Inside, you'll find the true answers to your most private questions. We have gotten loads of mail saying, "Dear sirs and madam, we know that you are jet-setting members of the rock and roll elite community, but could you take the time to answer some questions I have? I have listened to your music, and find it to be most excellent. When I hear the music of the Garden Party, I just know that you would be wonderful role models for my son/daughter. Can you take him/her to the prom?" Well, we have desperately tried to answer every question that we have come across, and we had the idea to begin this section of the site. Feel free to send in situations or questions for a particular member of the band. There's no guarantee as to who will answer your question (as Tom doesn't like to look at computer screens), but they will be answered. Rest assured. To submit a question or request for advice, please e-mail us as gardenpartyrock@yahoo.com. All queries will be answered post-haste and presented on this very page for the consumption and appreciation of the general viewing public. Underneath the latest posting, you will find an attrative archive of old advice given by the Garden Party. So, throw away that copy of Pat Boone's Betwixt You, Me, and the Gatepost. Your one stop for totally sweet advice is here.

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Friends, since we so rarely get advice requests, we were all super excited when this anonymous advice query came to our e-mail from one Mr. Q. We were so excited that we decided to write two advice columns. Here are the results.

Dear Garden Party,

I saw the Garden Party perform at that church in Richmond, and I loved what I heard. You are definately going places. Anyway, I have a problem. The drama must end! All of my friends have issues with one or more of my other friends, because I tend to be a nonbiast person, and do not follow the cliques and trends and all that jazz. I like to think that being so iconiclast is one of my greater attributes, but maybe I'm just cocky. Anyway, I need help, because I'm sick at tire of getting stuck in the middle of it all. I've asked a great many eclectic variety of people for help, but seeing as the people I am asking are also the problem, I get many acerbic results. I fingured that since you are an outside party, you may produce more prolific results. If you cannot help me in my time of dire need, it is completely understandable.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Annonymous high school drama conflicted student

P.S. On a lighter note, Megan, I think you are gourgeous.

(Advice # 1)

Dear the talented mr. quigley,

We at the Garden Party completely endorse your use of the phrase, “all that jazz.” We also apologize that we have answered in what would be considered a less than timely fashion. Regarding your thoughts on drama, we might suggest telling them to save it for their mama. However, we might also suggest, when presented with any such trouble, asking the people involved, “come on guys and/or girls, what would the Garden Party do,” or rather, “what would the Garden Party say,” as the Garden party lives by the idea of do as I say, not as I do, since if you did what we do, we would cease to be so special and exceptional, and would thus have to go find something else to do to differentiate ourselves because we crave attention. In conclusion, we’ve all been there, but if growing up teaches you anything, it’s that we haven’t grown up. If it teaches you one other thing, it would be that nobody knows the first thing about growing up and that really there is nothing to learn about it. But if there is a third thing itmight teach you, it’s that it is a lot easier to get through drama when you have headphones on, especially when those headphones are blasting the Garden Party. Also, regarding your comment about Megan being gorgeous- get in line, bub. Only, don’t tell her I... I mean…err…umm…we said that… please?

Fondly,
The Garden Party

(Advice #2)

Dearest Anonymous high school drama conflicted student,

First and foremost, we, the Garden Party, would like to apologize for our most appalling lateness in responding to your plea for help. However, you will be pleased to know that here in the Garden we are experts in friendship, and we have been mulling over your plight for some time now.

Firstly, we would like to congratulate you on amassing such a large quantity of friends. This is not easily done, as some of our number here at the Garden Party so unfortunately know. So congratulations, friend, on a job well done. Now, if this veritable army of friends in your possession is in constant epic battle, clearly only one option remains: to eliminate some of your ranks. So now we come to the matter at hand—whittling down your list of friends.

We will now reveal the most important key to choosing friends wisely. This is a simple, non-biased trick one should use when choosing who to spend time with. One must simply examine which video game systems his counterparts own. Now, one needs at least one friend with a Game Cube, and one or more friends with the means to purchase a Nintendo Revolution upon its arrival on store shelves. However, do not be shy about casting out any folks whose only system is an X-Box. We here at the Garden Party find that the X-Box controller is both clumsy and stupid, and have no qualms about parting company with anyone who finds X-Box more satisfying than Game Cube or Playstation [ed. note: Knights of the Old Republic is both awesome and sweet.].

Clearly, this is the most objective and fair way to get rid of all those unwanted “hangers-on.” You will find that when you and your friends are enjoying the sweetness of video games, all arguing will cease immediately. We here at the Garden Party like to call video games “the great peace-maker.” We hope you will find our advice helpful and that you will soon be enjoying the peace that one always finds while in the basement playing video games.

Sincerely,
Your Pals,
The Garden Party

Archived:
The Otaku's O-----
Dee-Anne's Disaster
Roy's Renege
Jason's Juxtaposition
Barry's Brouhaha
Deborah's Dillema